medieval-middle-age pickup lines

Milady, I'll be your night in shining armor.

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It seems as if my dragon has finally found a nice cave to rest in.

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Where am I from, milady? Nantucket of course!! Shall I prove it to you?

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How about going out with a guy who doesn't have the plague for a change?

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Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chambers floor.

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Why storm the castle when we can make our own?

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Hey, big boy, how would you like to help this maiden out of dis-dress?

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Darling, these Trojans are rather painful. We may need some oil for this armor.

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Your eyes are as dark as a castle moat by midnight. Lower your drawbridge and let me cross.

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I might have lost most of my limbs in battle but I've still got one left.

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If the stars in the sky were as beautiful as the eyes on thee, then they'd be really pretty.

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go back to my place and spread the word.

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Would thoust be interested in viewing mine buttshaft?

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You know, I was once imprisoned in a tower very much like Rapunzel. Only it wasn't my hair that the queen asked me to let down.

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A world without day is gloomy indeed, but a world without Knight would be pure misery.

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You won't believe this but St. George just appeared to me in a vision and told me that I must bed you...the fate of England depends is on it!

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Yes, I am indeed a wizard. Watch me make your clothes disappear!

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I joust love you, baby!

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When I was put on the rack in the inquisition, my limbs weren't the only things that got stretched.

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What say ye we have our own Norman conquest, lass?

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Oh, my sweet Knight! For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.

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I seem to have lost my sex slave, can I borrow you for a bit?

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The first time I saw thee, I felt as if my stomach had been raided by beautiful fire breathing dragons. Uh..in a nice way of course.

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What's a princess like you doing in a dungeon like this?

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Why don't we go back to my place and re-enact "The Miller's Tale?"

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Can I hose down your doublet?

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You can scale my battlements any day, madam.

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Come up and see my scrolls.

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My that's a fine set of chalices you have there.

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You is know that chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chambers floor.

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Milady you can ride my horse. I must tell you, he's a wild one!

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I am beset by this dragon in my loins, and only you can quench its fire!

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My! But you are a beautiful damsel in distress! Allow me to help you out of it.

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Would you care to see my longsword in action?

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When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren't the only thing they stretched.

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Pardon me, madam, but wouldeth thou like to see my long sword in action?

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You scratch my boils and I'll scratch yours.

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Your chastity belt would look great on the floor of my sleeping chamber.

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I have the key to your chastity belt and you have the key to my heart.

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My Lady, dost thou possess a looking glass in thine bodice? For I may surely see myself within their folds.

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Excuse me, Milady, would you have a place where I may sheath my longsword?

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What a fine gown you're wearing, my lady. Perchance may I talk you out of it?

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I'm from Nuremberg, but I'm a master at more than singing.

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They don't call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know.

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You hit on me harder than the black plague!

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Don't believe the rumors you heard about me. The Bubonic plague didn't affect my important parts.

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How, you ask, did I get up here to your balcony? Well, I espied you from yonder garden. In an instant my er, heart was swelled with lus.. er, love. I had to meet you! So I ranneth over but tripped on a stone thusly pole-vaulting into your arms.

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That's a nice chastity belt you're wearing. My blacksmith friends and I can help you out of it.

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Hey, milady, if you think that horse is gifted.

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You wanna go upstairs and see my Holy Grail?

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You would have been ravaged and plundered by now.

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Your hovel or mine?

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Has anyone ever told you that you have a lovely wimple?

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Wanna polish my pike?

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Is that a knife in your armor? Or are you just happy to see me?

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Looks like my dragon has finally found a nice cave to rest in.

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I most certainly am King in bed! Shall I prove it to you?

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I would wish a manly broadsword, not a pen-knife such as yours.

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Your beauty has scorched a hole into my heart as fast as a dragon in the mote.

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May I show you a fascinating Saracen ritual I learned while hiding in a harem after Hattin?

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Been there, slain that.

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Like a mare, I can be ridden for hours.

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Say, Princess, I'm very good at poking people with long pointy objects.

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Come up to my chamber and I'll show you the largest treasure in the land.

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Honest, milady, it will help clear up the pox marks.

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Hey wench the rodent in my pocket wants to eat at your cheeze.

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Why, I once speared 10 of them with a single thrust.

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And you thought the Romans had the only impressive aqueducts.

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Mlle. Darc, thy breastplate is wondrous! Wouldst thou hold my polearm whilst I attempt to light thy fire?

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They say a knight is always as hard as his armor.

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I had to swim the moat to get to you fair maiden. So, would you like to see my breaststroke?

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Like Marcellus Wallace, I wanna get Medieval or your ass!

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Oh yea baby- black plague, leprosy, or scarlet fever- honey, I've got the cure for you.

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What a fine set of chalices you have.

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You should be glad I'm not a Viking. You would have been ravaged and plundered by now.

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If quietus you make, I'll bare my bodkin for you.

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So...been to any good hangings lately?

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Ello, milady, thou art under siege. I shall scale thy battlements with mine grappling hook.

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Pestilence makes the heart go wander.

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No, I'm actually a wizard. Want to see my crystal balls?

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I am beset by this dragon in my loins, Dear Lady, and only you can quench its fire!

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Milady, it's not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within.

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It's not the size of the staff that matters, but the magic within.

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Do you practice safe hex?

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I've been VERY NAUGHTY. You'll have to put me in the stocks and "PUNISH" me, now won't you?

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The inquisitor: So, witch...up to you. Either you burn at the stake...or I use my stake to make you burn.

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Wench: What's that sound? Knight: That's just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding.

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Fair Maiden, your cups runneth over.

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I bet you would look nice in some maternity armor.

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Milady, I heard that you were a chirogeon, I have something you can drain.

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You wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could sheath his sword, would you?

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Fair Maiden, you can scale my battlements any day!

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Wizard: You know, my hat isn't the only thing that's pointed.

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If I were a horse, I'd rather you mounted me without the saddle.

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Ssh, I don't want everyone to know I'm on a secret holy quest.

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My goat bite is no longer infected, so would you like to dance?

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I hath done combat with many a beast, but I must confess that was the tightest situation I have ever been in.

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Don't worry. If you kiss me, I won't turn into a frog.

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Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague!

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You know... I got my armor in Extra-Large just so I could fit the both of us in here. What do you say?

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I like the cut of your jib.

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How'd you like to ride my stallion? He's well trained for battle!

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I lost my leg in battle. Guess what I'm walking on!

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I may not be a priest, but I can get you to heaven, m'lady.

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How about coming around the back and giving me a good reason to come back from the crusades?

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You can place your greeves under my pallet anytime.

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What's a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this?

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Hey, baby, wanna chain my mail?

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Hey, Princess, you wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you?

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Sword fighting is like _everything_ else : it's all in your thrust.

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C'mon, sweetie...Didn't your mother ever tell you? A cleric a day keeps the black plague away.

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I'm really a prince cursed by an evil witch. Tell me, do you have sex with frogs?

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Paint on your shield "Smile if you want to sleep with me" and watch the wenches try to keep straight faces.

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I'd rather be beheaded than be denied a date with you.

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Hey baby, King Arthur isn't the only one with a big round thing. How 'bout coming up and waxing mine?

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I may not be a priest, but I can take you to the heavens, princess.

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You look like a maiden in distress, why don't I save you?

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