jewish pickup lines

I'll take you to the promised land.

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Do you want to try for 9 crazy nights?

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Funny, I don't remember climbing Jacob's ladder, so how did I end up in heaven?

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I only drink cholov Yisroel, but I still ou d.

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My nose isn't the only thing that's big.....

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When Korach sinned, the earth swallowed him up. When you're naughty, I'll swallow you up.

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Can I put my knife between your lechem mishneh?

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Once you go Jew, nothing else will do.

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Just like the Ner Tamid, my love for you burns eternal.

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Are you Jewish? Cause you ISRAELI HOT.Countries; Israel

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Will you let me shake your lulav?

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God told us to go forth and multiply and I feel something going forth and multiplying as we speak.

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Yo gurl don't Jewish that you were mine

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You must be Egyptian because I’m a slave for you.

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Can I come into your massada?

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Studying nezikin is fun, but I now what you really wanna study is my zraim.

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Instead of the torah, can I study your body 3 times a day?

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You give me a lag b'oner.

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Are you the messiah, because I've been waiting for you.

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I don't care what the Torah says, I'm not leaving any of your four corners unplowed.

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That's a nice-looking yarmulke you're wearing, but it would look even better lying next to my bed tomorrow morning.

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I wanna go bilam on you and hit that ass as hard as I can.

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If your left leg is Rosh Hashanah and your right leg is Yom Kippur, can I visit you during the days of Awe?

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Do you want to shake my luluv?

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You may not be a Moshe, but when you touch my snake it'll turn right into a staff.

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Are you Jewish? Because you ISRAELI HOT.

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Like ma'oz tzur, I'm longer than you think.

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Want to go fiddle on a roof?

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Can I light your manorah?

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The gates of repentance are always open...just like my heart for you.

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After getting lost for 40 years I've think I've finally found what I was looking for

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Got any Jewish in you? Want some?

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Do you want to try my Hebrew national hotdog?

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Did it hurt when you wrestled with Jacob (because you're an angel)!

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Come shake your tush at tonight's shabbos tish.

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Have I seen you on j-date?

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Knock Knock Who's there? Israel! Israel who? Do you wanna little Jewish in you, cause this dick Israel. 

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Baby lets run away together, just Jew and Me.

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I'm a chacham in yeshiva, but a rasha in bed.

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You better put that matzah away, because I'm going to make you wet.

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The first line of the Shma commands us to "Love the Lord with all your heart." After meeting you, I don't think I can keep that mitzvah.

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Can I put out your burning bush?

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You must be Eve, because I want you to touch my nachash arum.

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When you come to my house, the Mezuzah isn't the only thing you will be touching!

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All I want for Chanukah is you.

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We won't violate ba'al taschit if you swallow.

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You're not Jewish, are you?

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Israel's south may be a desert, but my negec is overflowing.

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Let me see your shirt tag, that's right, made in Eden.

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Are you Jewish? Cause the way you're looking at me, I'm beginning to think Jewish I would kiss you.

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God just told me there was going to be a flood and I've decided to save you.

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Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, heart for heart. You stole my heart, you owe me yours.

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I think I just broke the omer. Because when I saw you my heart sang.

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You had me at Shalom.

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You bring the apples i’ll bring the honey

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I finally understand the true meaning of the Sabbath. It's to give a girl like you a rest from running through my mind the rest of the week.

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Is your Succah kosher? Cause the only stars I can see are in your eyes.

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How bout I play Moses and u play with my staff.

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Which commandment do you want to break?

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Are you bar mitzvah, cuz I need a woman?

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You look familiar. Did I read about you in shir hashirim?

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You must not be kosher for passover because you're making my matza rise.

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Are you Jewish? Because the way you're looking at me, I'm beginning to think Jewish this dick was in your mouth.

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If your legs are chag, can I visit you on hol ha-moed?

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That yarmulke would look great on my bedroom floor!

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I'll be Moses, you can play with my staff, and I'll scream "Let my people go!"

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The safe word is shibolet.

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Do you want something to atone for on yom kippur?

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I may not be Elisha but will you open the door anyway.

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Do you want to spin my dreidel?

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My people invented circumcision....Your Welcome

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Baby I'd nail you harder then we nailed Jesus to that cross.

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I'd make you an aguna, but if you want I can still tie you down.

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Do you want to make tonight different from all other nights?

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When is kippur? 'Cause I want you on your knees.

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Why is this night different than all other nights? I'll show you why...

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Can I dip my maror in your charoset.

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It's shavuos so we better go all night.

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I wanna light your menorah.

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I know I'm one of the chosen people but I just want to be chosen by you, baby

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Dang girl, I'd like to bake my rugelach in your oven.

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Are you a torah? 'Cause I wanna dance with you all night.

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Girl, I wish you were a torah, so I could undress you and run my yad all up and down your columns...

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We could use that oil to light the menoah, but I've got a better idea...

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We lost gaza. No need to lose the strip.

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Are you Jewish? Cause you Israeli hot!

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This saltwater reminds me of the tears that came to my eyes when I first saw you

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Can this maccabee fit inside your canon?

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Do you wanna spin my dreidel?

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Even though it's breaking a commandment, I'm worshipping you right now.

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My apples are just dying for your honey!

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Once you go Jew, no Christian will do.

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I will undress you faster than the torah, so I can run my yad up and down your columns.

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Don't worry I won't Passover you.

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How bout I play Moses and u play with my staff

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I would love to wonder in your wilderness for 40 years.

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How about you and I make the dead sea come alive.

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You know how it is with Jewish culture, everything begins at sundown!

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You might not make a minyan, but you are still a ten in my book.

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Will you let me put my candle near your labia menorah?

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I hope you're not married, because I'd hate to be breaking the Tenth Commandment right here in shul.

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Are you the milk or the honey I was promised?

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My name is Dovid. But they call me Goliath. Wanna find out why?

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Can I go into you garden of Eden?

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If I raise my staff will it only part the sea?

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Unlike the torah, I'm gonna put my hands all over you.

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I like my women like I like my dreidels.....bottom heavy

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Lets do it Adam and eve style, behind some bushes.

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Want to party in my sukkah?

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Whether I use my mouth or my staff, I can make water flow from your rock.

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In this shul, women are not called up to the torah. May I call you up at home?

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Whatever we do during the rabbi's speech will be forgiven by neilah.

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Are those matza balls in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

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Is your name nadav or avihu? 'Cause you are smoking hot.

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